Subtopic 1# Monester parents

Monester parents are a real problem recently in Japan as they tend to raise monester kids. Have you encountered any monester parents? What happened?

In a recent example in the Japan Times, 31 Snow Whites in a recent school drama didn’t raise an eyebrow. Why such an unusual production you may ask? Because all of the parents wanted their child to be in the leading role. Should the school administrators have caved in to the parent demands? If not, what should they have done instead?

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14 Responses to “Subtopic 1# Monester parents”

  1. Li Julia Says:

    I’m not quite sure whether it can be called a monster parent, but what happened was that a mother complained to the principal every time the class teacher scolds her child. The teacher couldn’t do anything, because the mother and the principals were high school friends. At that time, I thought that every parent does these kind of things, as every parent want their child to be treated special in school.

    As for the 31 Snow white problem, the school should conduct a competition between all the kids whose parents want them to be the leading role. Invite independent judges from other schools, and let the parents watch the whole competition. Sometime parents need to see the reality that their child are not as good as they think.

  2. gaijinalways Says:

    If the parent complained every time, this is a bit extreme. I think the parent needs to learn not to trust their child so much as the child obviously lies about why they were scolded.

    As to the Snow White situation, that’s a good idea of having other school judges audition the people, though in Japan I’m not sure the other schools would want to do it.

  3. ropponsen Says:

    It may be true that everyone want to be a heroine and play the title role. However, things never work out as you expect, you know. Also, “Monster Parents” should learn that the other characters like the Seven Dwarfs or wicked witch are as important as Snow White. For students, school is a place to find your own identity. So, every cast was playing the same character, Snow White, which is nonsense, I think. School is a place for social interaction of students. Therefore, parents should not interfere in child’s problem. Instead parents should encourage their child to learn on their own and think for themselves.

  4. Chihiro Says:

    I’ve never encountered any monster parent myself actually, but the problem of 31 Snow Whites is so much suprising for me.

    I think the school should not follow every thing that such parents want because in this case of Snow Whites, it is important for kids to understand that each person has different character and to be the leading role in a play and also in their friendship is not the only personality or gift to be respected. Even in a play, it consists of many different roles and they are all necessary to make a good drama, no matter how the role stands out.

    But, to make parents understand these things are much more difficult, I think. (That’s why they are called “monster parents”, indeed.) As Julia said, I think to show them their children competing is good idea, too. But I wonder how many of them would satisfy with the result. Some may get angry with the schedule of competition. (“I’m so busy that day! Change the schedule!”)
    I don’t have any other idea for a good solution…

  5. gaijinalways Says:

    Ropponsen,

    It’s very true, the other characters in a play are what makes the play interesting. It’s the same in life, if everyone was the same, it would make life too predictable and boring.

    Your other point about school being a place for social interaction brings up an important point, that children need to develop different skills for dealing with other people as well as negotiating for what one wants. If the parents do all the work, the children grow up being quite dependent, and may rely on their parents to deal with their problems in the future as well. This will stunt their growth as adults, and may result in other social problems in the future.

  6. gaijinalways Says:

    Chihiro,

    Dealing with difficult parents (or people) is a daily issue, and people need better skills for dealing with such matters. Of course a play has many roles, otherwise it would cease to be a play or simply become a one person play. I think these kinds of parents need to be dealt with in a more effective way, so that interference in daily school activities would be limited.

    How do PTAs function in Japan and can they be better used to resolve these kinds of problems?

  7. Rikko Says:

    I agree with Ropponsen idea.

    I think one is what one is and everyone has different set of identities. I mean that maybe school children have same identity, which is like being one of the students of the school, but they also have their own backgrounds, like a soccer player or a pianist.

    I can say that all the people are like that, too. Of course, so are parents. So, children never be like their parents’ things. They are trying to find themselves in the school, like a smoll society, whether they have known or not. Therefore, their parents and everyone around them must not undermine their chance to find their identities. In oder to do that, parents must trust their children and communicate, like have a meeting, with them and school teachers more. This mean not to interfere, but to assist for the childeren to have more chance.

  8. Minkyeong Lee Says:

    I also haven’t seen monster parents actually and it’s my first time to hear about 31 snow whites so it’s quite unbelievable to me.

    The school should not accept the demands from those ‘monter parents’. Each students has their own identities and attractiveness and they should realize that. They also must learn there are something they can’t do and must not do. Under monster parents, the children can become violent if their work doesn’t go well.
    Thesedays there are problems between broken couples and most of the cases are made from those monster parents’ way of education in Japan and Korea.
    Finally these kind of monster parents make their children nonassertive and later they explode their anger in violent way.

    So to solve this problem, school must teach students and parents how to continue communication and express their feelings.

  9. Shinichiro Says:

    I think school should ask children wheather they want to play the leading role or not. It is natural for parents to want their children become the leading role because parents can proud of their children in front of other people. However, it is doubtful that children want to do the things their parents say to do. So first school should ask children, then give an audition to child who want to play the leading role in front of students. It may still occur parents’ complaint, but I think the way is equal because every student has the chance to play the leading role.

  10. ayamo Says:

    I have similar kind of opinion as Rikko’s.
    I believe that any kind of schools are smaller scales of the society. Schools are the places not only for gaining knowledges or skills but also somewhere to provide many opportunities to students to practice their social skills before they actually participate in the real society. In the society, it is true that not everyone can be heroes or heroines. So the point will be how they deal with their own demand to be spotlighted and the reality which they cannot control.
    Sometimes,even for adults, it is tough to face an unfavorable situation. However, it is both parents and teacher’s responsibility to trust their children, watch their growth and support only when they need some help. I know it is easy to say and hard to put in an act, but all of the people cannot develop themselves without facing a tough situation and finding a solution by their own.

  11. gaijinalways Says:

    Rikko,

    That is a very good suggestion, and you probably know from your experience with your own parents how difficult it is for parents to help but not overmanage the lives of their kids. People, including parents, must constantly make value judgements, and sometimes people make mistakes, and they have to admit that and learn to deal with that. Parents and kids need to realize that, and once that happens, then life for both of them is easier to deal with.

    Doing and saying though, are two different matters. Definately easier said than done.

  12. gaijinalways Says:

    Broken families do cause problems, as children sometimes don’t get proper nurturing from both parents. Of course, there are also families that stay together that shouldn’t, which can also be a hardship on the maturing of the children as well. Certainly in these cases many of the problems stem from the parents, hence the label ‘monester’. Spoiling kids can be just as bad as ignoring them.

  13. gaijinalways Says:

    Shinichiro,

    This is a problem as we stated earlier, communication breakdowns between parents and children (and other people as well). How can we better communication between parents and children?

  14. gaijinalways Says:

    “So the point will be how they deal with their own demand to be spotlighted and the reality which they cannot control.”

    Something we have to deal with our whole lives. Teaching this is a valuable gift, but what if our parents haven’t learned this lesson already? What do the children do then?

    “Sometimes,even for adults, it is tough to face an unfavorable situation.”

    Very true. But dealing with disappointment is something we need to address and face up to on a daily basis. We’re nice to people, and sometimes they
    reject our kindness. Other times something we say is taken the wrong way, and we have to try and mend a situation. Finally, we make mistakes, and have to work to solve the new problems that arise as well as try to avoid the same problems being caused in the future.

    How can we learn to build trust?

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