Q 3# Why might people not marry until they are older?

Sometimes there are different reasons for people delaying making decisions or taking action. Why might a person delay getting married? And what should that person do until they marry? How should he or she live his/her life?

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17 Responses to “Q 3# Why might people not marry until they are older?”

  1. kanty Says:

    I think one of the reasons why so many people don’t get married is because they can satisfy their lives by themselves.
    In the episode of the TV drama we watched in the class, it seemed that the guy enjoys living alone with all the luxury stuff. He has much money and time to treat himself like a king. And it also seems that he really doesn’t need any partner or he doesn’t have any extra space in his mind for others.
    Like him, some of those who don’t get married untile they get older might be bad at communication with others as well.
    Maybe there are two types of people; those who choose not to get married or who they can’t even though they want to.

  2. gaijinalways Says:

    But as you point out, there might be a third type; those who don’t even consider marrying, it just never occurs to them as an option.

    But is a satisfying single life the same as a married one?

  3. Rikko Says:

    I think that people who do not marry have no hope about marriage, because people can not find the value of marrying, as the social thought about it has been changed. And, maybe, as the chance for female to get a better job, they have thought that they can live by themselves now. When ladies had few chance to work as well as men, they could not live without husbands’ earning, and the marriage was the goal of them.
    But, now, female can work much harder and earn better and live by themselves more easily without men.

  4. Minkyung Lee Says:

    There can be several reasons about why a person delay getting married and i think it’s because they want to enjoy their own lives doing whatever they want and earn enough money for the marriage life. In Korea, especially the money matter takes a big part of the reason for delaying it. It takes lots of money to bring the kids up and buy their own apartment so thesedays most of young people do not get married till they earn enough money to buy their house or for the kids in the future.
    But I don’t think they don’t want to get married in their lives. Mostly they seem to want to get married someday but the deadline become around 30 to woman and 35 to man. Usually it’s the best time for them to do their job. And as time goes by, peoples’ status become goes up and they want to do what they want when they can and have the time only for themselves.
    AND, i also think they’re totally different from those who DON’T want to get married. The people who don’t want to get married may have satisfying single life if it’s what they want but in the late 50s or 60s they may feel lonely or isolation with nobody around them because as people gets older their emotional health get worse as well as their physical one.

  5. Shinichiro Says:

    I think the reason why people delay their marriage is defferent. Work is busy, no chance or satisfied with single life. This is because the way of thinking about getting married is changing as people find something important(job, hobby etc). Getting married means husband and wife have to care one another so it may disterb the life that wife/husband has spent. I suppose that these people increase so people who delay marriage also increase. However, people who want to marry as early as possible will do so. After all how people think about getting married.

  6. gaijinalways Says:

    Rikko,

    It sounds as if you’ve forgotten the men, as they sometimes also have a hard time living alone. Of course for men, I suppose they have had a longer time to get used to that idea, living alone.

    I wonder though, if men can necessarily live more easily alone as generally they are not used to cooking and taking care of the house as well as women, yes?

  7. gaijinalways Says:

    Minkyung Lee,

    I wonder about the emotional health of people as they get older, something more obviously noticable in Japan (as there are a lot of older people as a percentage of the population, over 20%, compared to some other countries).

    But I wonder in Korea and Japan, the emotional health of young people seems to be very poor. Of course, they’re not considering marriage yet, but they have a high rate of suicides in the world for that age, especially in Japan. Is the poor emotional health of the elderly caused by different problems?

  8. gaijinalways Says:

    Shinichiro said

    ‘Getting married means husband and wife have to care one another so it may disterb the life that wife/husband has spent. I suppose that these people increase so people who delay marriage also increase.’

    That could very well be if people consider doing things with other people to be a nuisance rather than an enjoyable experience. As a result, do you think people are becoming more selfish?

  9. ayamo Says:

    In Japan, one of the cause of the delay of the age to get married is a great change of public opinion I guess. In Japan, people who couldn’t get married in young age was seen as “left over” a while ago. There was a huge pressure put on young people that their reaction was that they were scared to be seen as “left over” from relatives, friends or neighbors. That was the reason that arranged marriage was so popular in Japan at that time. However, nowadays, public opinion has changed that people are free from the pressure and now they don’t have to care about their age of marriage. They can take time to develop their career, to enjoy luxury single life, and of course, to select the best one to get married with. But freedom from the pressure made people difficult to decide when and who to marry with. They cannot give-up to look for their ideal partner easily or to compromise to get married with current boyfriend or girlfriend.

  10. Panya Says:

    My personal thought about people who are getting married late, or don’t want to get married at all, is that they are feeling insecure about new changes in life. Note that I’m saying this generally for both men and women.
    Getting married means that you’re letting not just a person into your life, but a whold bunch of them. You’re partner, and his/her parents, relatives and friends. Aside from the changes in relationship, there are changes in responsibility too. It’s “Work VS. Family” or “Personal Life VS. Family Life”, “New car VS. Children College fees”(Especially in Japan. Those fees are sky-hight). If you’re a working person, cut work, more to family. But, again you can’t really cut work, because more stomachs to feed. If you used to have friends over to dinner or party, cut that too, and put it to your children’s school play. So, after reading this, you can count me in as the late marry guy.

  11. gaijinalways Says:

    It is difficult to decide who might be ideal. By the way Aya, who would be a ideal mate? What characteristics would they have?

  12. gaijinalways Says:

    Panya,

    Yes, life is full of compromises, isn’t it? Though the ones with social life and work you’ll face regardless of whether you’re married or not.
    Do you find it hard as a student deciding whether to study, work, or go out with your classmates?

  13. ayamo Says:

    My definition of my ideal partner would be someone i can respect from bottom of my heart. I’ll look for a partner who can complement my weekness and to be a good parents……
    Besides, there’s no perferct person so i know i have to compromise someday and try to improve my personality by my self (not by being dependent on a partner.)
    As shinichiro said, i thought that middle-age divorce became popular because after a long term marriage life, wives gets tired of taking care of their husbands. That doesn’t mean that wives are selfish but may be they decided that their husbands are not worth to take care for rest of their life…

  14. Minkyung Lee Says:

    yes, i think so too and especially i think the biggest reason for those young people of Japan is the economic problem. Thesedays it becomes more difficult to get a job so many young people get stressed about it. So the eager for a successful life make people concentrate only on money and it makes people become isolated and lonely individual.

    and i agree with aya for the situation of thesedays youngsters. I think it’s really similar to Korea.

  15. Rikko Says:

    I am sorry that I forgot the men.
    And, yes, I think that men are not used to cokking or cleaning as well as women. But today, helpless boys have been able to live wihout girls power, because there are many things like an outsourcing. It is much easier for them to eat, to wash their clothes, or to clean up their rooms.

    I have another reason for this topic. I think that people who cannot marry are worried about taking care of children. Maybe, although they know that they will have to spent a lot of money nurturing their child, especially for education today, they want to enjoy themselves much more and spent their money for their things. It seems to be natural for people to have a child if they get married, generally people may know. For this reason, people cannot marry.

  16. gaijinalways Says:

    But one can marry and not have children. Haven’t you heard of Dinks, double income with no kids? So people could still enjoy themselves without children. Is there something wrong with marrying and not having kids in Japan?

  17. Li Julia Says:

    Many people simply feel that they are not ready to get married, both financially and emotionaly. Many Japanese business man thinks (according to my survay done for another class) that they want to be successful at their job, be rich first and then get married. This will take many years to achieve. Regarding the emotional part, some people are simply not ready to commit to a long term relationship, let alone merriage. Marriage is a very serious step in one’s life. It would be a mistake to get marriage if they are not emotionally really and mature enough to understand the responsibility of a married relationship.

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